Most Popular Baby Names 2014

When you are about to become a parent this will probably be the most difficult task!

I found inception quite easy and fun. My wife finds the pregnancy not so much fun but worth the pain and effort it takes for the end result. But naming of the child has to be the most difficult process.

As we live in Germany having normal English names becomes difficult because they are usually pronounced differently. Names with a “J” are pronounced more with a “Y” so James would become Yames and Joshua would become Yoshua. So I was careful with our boys and of course people still mess it up. Henry for example has been called Hendry and worst of all Heinrich! Heinrich, where on earth did they pull that one from, it’s nothing like Henry. But then they say, well Heinrich is a good old German name. Well sorry pal but I don’t want my son to have a good old German name! And then an uncle of my wife asked if Henry was named after the famous German boxer Henry Maske, who I asked! Never heard of him, so he can’t be that famous! Henry Cooper maybe or one of our kings! Anyway, you can see my point. Henry’s second name is William and Oh my god here we go again! Ach Wilhelm…no no no please! And that is Vilhelm too because they can’t pronounce W’s here! Then we named our youngest Oscar. That works, however, they are always spelling it with a “K”!

Now Henry and Oscar are not names that have passed through our family, but the boys second names are and of course now the boys are more grown up I think the names really suit them and of course Henry is the only Henry in his school and everyone knows him. When I take him or collect him from school or even when we are out shopping kids are calling out “Hey Henry”! And when I am alone I get the, ah, there is Henry’s Papa!

So it is important to get the name right as this kid will have to live with it for the rest of it’s life. I didn’t like my name Nigel, but when I was living in Canada it seemed that everyone was making plans for me! Sweet! And I think people that name their sons with their name and add Junior are well, need I say more! Well that’s really effing imaginative isn’t it. I can just see the parents after the birth when they ask what the childs name is…err, oh John Junior! Mind you this only happens in the US.

Another couple of blinders I can think of are Neville Neville, the father of the two English footballers! Neville Neville for Christ sake! I’m sure the father had a reason. Maybe he was forced into having a child or maybe he had a brain lapse! The other blinder I have to think of is Humpty Dumpty! I mean if you have a kid who likes like a fucking egg you don’t call him Humpty Dumpty now do you!

Then we have to mention those poor European immigrants that arrived through Ellis Island having to register their names and some dumb immigration officer confuses the poor Pole or whatever nationality they are by asking, “I want your first name last and your last name first”, all too quick for the poor guy that has just walked across Europe with a paper bag with all his belongings and endured a 3 week boat trip! So of course he panics and the immigration officer has trouble with the name, which is understandable when the Pole reels off a name full of consonants with only one vowel, that reads more like an eye test chart than a real name, which then leads to the poor Polish guy having a new name with his surname as his first name and vice versa with his first name. So now the Polish version of Smith John becomes an American!

I know there are a lot of you out there too that can’t or don’t want children. I can understand that. And then you get pets instead. I can understand that too. But that cat or dog does not need a human name! You collect said animal as a puppy or kitten and it looks cute and cuddly or fluffy, so there is your name right there, a cat = fluffy. Nice name for a cat or if it’s stripey, well Tiger, that is also a good cat name, but Tony or Paul? Beats me! Same goes for dogs. Spot, a great name for a Dalmation for example or Rover, another good one, Nip, all us Brits should know that one! But not John or Simon!

Human children are different, we don’t hear of Baldy or Blotchy, which we would probably name them based on first appearance. Okay if you are a celebrity then you will of course think up some stupid names for your kids, same goes for hippies! Summer, River for example. Have you ever heard of a kid called Blowy, Snowy, Pissing with Rain!

Anyway, my point is that my wife and I are in the difficult process of finding a suitable name for our next child, a girl, but just to let you know, all ex-girlfriend names are off the list! That narrows it down quite a bit!

Until next time!